Flat-earth Five-year-old
Me: Joy, where does the Moon go during the daytime?
Joy: Behind the mountains. And the Sun goes behind the mountains, too.
Who is going to pay 40 dollars plus tax for a season of Matlock on DVD?
Eldad (אֶלְדָּד, “God has loved.”) and Medad (מֵידָד, from “love”) would make good names for twin boys, even though the Biblical prophets weren’t twins.
₤1,000,000
I received an email this morning from a Mr. Kenny Huynh. He had terrific news for me:
One Million Pounds has been Awarded to you in our TOBACCO AWARD PROMO.Send your details for claims purpose:-
NAME..
OCCUPATION..
COUNTRY
Of course, I responded right away:
NAME: Clay “The Tornado” Smith
OCCUPATION: International Man of Mystery
COUNTRY: State of the Vatican City
I’m getting the full fútbol experience today. Our recording of today’s World Cup game has the Spanish commentary. No gól yet.
I’ve outlived James Dean by about a week already, but my movie career just never took off. You win some, you lose some.
Here’s an opportunity to spice up your family dinners with sacrilegious consumerism! The 99¢ Only Store in Corona carries a line of religious, dishwasher-safe plastic plates. Designs include several different images of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, a Nativity scene, Da Vinci’s “Last Supper”, and Our Lady of Guadalupe. Whether you want to eat off of the Blessed Virgin’s face or just hang a couple of these priceless works of art on your wall for all your classy friends to admire, the 99¢ Only Store is the right store…now more than ever!
Notice that the plates are stacked in a Toy Story box in front of Woody and Buzz Lightyear designs. There’s always something for the parents and the kids at the 99¢ Only Store!
I wasn’t feeling patriotic yesterday until I dialed my radio to NPR and listened to their Independence Day coverage. Then I reacted like an angry WASP.
Only 3161 days until Justin Bieber is old enough to rent a car without paying the young driver surcharge.
