July 2010
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Flat-earth Five-year-old
Me: Joy, where does the Moon go during the daytime?
Joy: Behind the mountains. And the Sun goes behind the mountains, too.
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Eldad (אֶלְדָּד, “God has loved.”) and Medad (מֵידָד, from “love”) would make good names for twin boys, even though the Biblical prophets weren’t twins.
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₤1,000,000
I received an email this morning from a Mr. Kenny Huynh. He had terrific news for me:
One Million Pounds has been Awarded to you in our TOBACCO AWARD PROMO.Send your details for claims purpose:-
NAME..
OCCUPATION..
COUNTRY
Of course, I responded right away:
NAME: Clay “The Tornado” Smith
OCCUPATION: International Man of Mystery
COUNTRY: State of the Vatican...
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I’m getting the full fútbol experience today. Our recording of today’s World Cup game has the Spanish commentary. No gól yet.
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I’ve outlived James Dean by about a week already, but my movie career just never took off. You win some, you lose some.
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I wasn’t feeling patriotic yesterday until I dialed my radio to NPR and listened to their Independence Day coverage. Then I reacted like an angry WASP.
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Only 3161 days until Justin Bieber is old enough to rent a car without paying the young driver surcharge.
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My family loves me.
Mom: (speaking to me) Sometimes you're so much like Jack Black.
Patrick: Except you're not fat, and you don't have a beard.
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I don’t want fame and influence for the money or the women. I only want to have my name listed in Wikipedia as a “notable resident”.
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June 2010
19 posts
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How long would it take to transport two cars across the country by driving both of them separately at the same time? I mean, what if you drove car A for a mile, hopped out and jogged back to car B, drove it two miles, jogged back and drove car A for two miles, and then repeated this process from Los Angeles to New York City? That would take what? A year? Someone should try this.
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Heard on NPR: Famous Japanese sumo wrestlers and stablemasters (trainers) suspended or expelled for gambling on baseball. Why not bet on sumo?
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I’d move to Portland if it weren’t for my mild gephyrophobia.
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There are multiple fires on the east side of 15 at Weirick and half a mile further south. Fire, ambulance, and police responding.
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I’m proud of myself because I haven’t played video games at home once this summer. Still, I wish there was a video game that reviewed Greek and Hebrew paradigms, so that I had an excuse to play.
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I wish I lived high in the mountains so that I could be pleasantly surprised to discover that despite the altitude I don’t have to adjust the recipe for my Bisquick pancakes.
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The misfiring “Recommended for You” feature on Youtube has opened my eyes to the world of amateur hair-and-makeup tutorial videos. My informal research leads me to conclude that every young Southern belle with a webcam must be waking up hours before Sunday church service to record and post videos of themselves using a curling iron.
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Per Joy’s complex, lucid fantasy that she is a Disney princess, she has declared my mother a wicked witch, and locked her out of our castle née house. As Prince Charming, it would be treasonous of me to unlock the doors for the old hag laden with poison apples.
May 2010
30 posts
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"But wouldn’t real witches..." →
graveyarddirt:
claysmith:
I think it’s safe to say that there hasn’t been a single person in history who has been killed for being a witch. Sure, people may have been killed for practicing, but wouldn’t real witches be able to fly away, turn the magistrate into a newt, or at least cackle their way out of a sticky situation? Even the witch of Endor seemed genuinely surprised that her craft...
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I think it’s safe to say that there hasn’t been a single person in history who has been killed for being a witch. Sure, people may have been killed for practicing, but wouldn’t real witches be able to fly away, turn the magistrate into a newt, or at least cackle their way out of a sticky situation? Even the witch of Endor seemed genuinely surprised that her craft worked for once.
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If 50 Cent was adjusted for inflation every year since his debut album, Get Rich or Die Tryin’, dropped in 2003, he’d be 58 Cent.
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I want to go live in Charlie Brown’s universe for no other reason than it seems to be completely devoid of cats.
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Sometimes when I’m falling asleep, I’ll think of something utterly bizarre, and then I scramble to forget the thought before it becomes the foundation of my dreams.
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